This is not everyone’s favorite holiday.

“Happy Presidents’ Day,”
I told my libertarian friend.
He made a wanking motion
and replied that they were all shitty
so why celebrate any of them?

Lincoln was the tyrant
who suspended habeus corpus
and FDR created Social Security
(which, he says, is a Ponzi scheme).
Jefferson bought Louisiana,
and that wasn’t constitutional.
Even George Washington
bungled the Whiskey Rebellion.

“You know who I like?,” he asked.
“William Henry Harrison.
He got a cold on Inauguration Day
and died before he could fuck up.
He’s the Jeff Buckley of Presidents.”

I shook my head
because I think Grace is overrated
and because being too stupid to
wear a coat and hat in the rain
on your first day at work
seems like a fuck-up to me.

He shrugged
(perhaps thinking of
the Ron Paul Utopia
we could have had if only
Romney hadn’t rigged the primaries).
“Coolidge,” he said at last.
“He knew how to keep his mouth shut.”

“Better than some,” I had to agree.


About semiblind

Bringing you stark existentialism since 1981.
This entry was posted in clusterfuck, history, poetry and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to This is not everyone’s favorite holiday.

  1. Brilliant…I love the irreverance, and the stanzas about Harrison are killer!! 🙂

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