What Rick Santorum Is Worried Will Happen If Gay Marriage is Legalized (Day Eight)

(Day eight of NaPoWriMo. My first day back to work after Spring Break.)

What Rick Santorum Is Worried Will Happen If Gay Marriage Is Legalized

A man walks into a talent agency
and says, Have I got an act for you!

The talent agent asks for a description
of the visitor’s unsolicited show
and he gets an earful of
the most degrading debauchery
a sexual deviant’s mind can devise
bondage
incest
bestiality
coprophagia
with a load of blasphemy thrown in
for good measure
and by the end of the pitch
he feels like he’s going to vomit
he wants a hot shower and
this pervert better not try to shake his hand.

He wants the guy gone but
he’s a little nervous because
a sicko like this might try anything
so you gotta ease him out with
some we’ll-call-you stuff and
without really caring
he asks this disgusting degenerate
What do you call an act like THAT?

The fiend smiles and replies
The Aristocrats!

This makes no sense to the talent agent
and the confusion throws him off as
he begins to wonder if maybe
this is some kind of Outsider Art thing
like maybe this guy is an Idiot Savant
and he thinks of all of the wealthy saps
who’ll pay to have this act at their parties
proving that they’re cutting edge
not moralistic Neanderthals
still punk-rock not nouveau riche
society is changing after all
what with fellas marrying fellas now
so he hires the act and books a few gigs.

The money starts rolling in.
Shows every night.
The act gets so popular that
they perform on The Tonight Show
and Jay Leno loves them.
Their Internet video goes viral
leading to over a billion views
in under a year and soon
they perform at the White House
and the United Nations declares
that all people on Earth
should see the Aristocrats
because by god it’s a human right and
soon religious beliefs spring up
celebrating the divine sacraments
of the perversions on display.

Needless to say
Lucifer thinks the time is right
to take over this depraved world
so he rises up from
deepest, darkest Hell
but when he finally sees the act live
he’s so disgusted that he decides
he doesn’t want to rule
these sick bastard people after all
and he and God make up
joining forces to destroy all Creation
and try again from scratch.

20130408-165752.jpg

Advertisements

About semiblind

Bringing you stark existentialism since 1981.
This entry was posted in entertainment, NaPoWriMo, poetry, religion and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to What Rick Santorum Is Worried Will Happen If Gay Marriage is Legalized (Day Eight)

  1. Lol…um…yeah…i am almost curious enough to wiki coprophagia to find out what it is…but then i remembered what happened when i wikied bukkake…so i think i will remain ignorant.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s