Good Shepherd

I was once a sinner
a man who blasphemed
mocked the Gospels
got drunk every Saturday
consorted with harlots
gave myself over to temptation
luxuriated in sins of the flesh
burned the flag
and donated to Planned Parenthood
but then one day
I woke up in a gutter
smelling like vomit and scotch
with my head pounding
and my bowels loose
all of which made me stop and
think about what I’d become
and I said God help me!
I can’t live like this anymore!

which was true
death was around the corner
if I kept living like this
but just then I heard it
the most glorious music
and I followed the sound
moving from that filthy gutter
to First Church of the Lamb
where the choir was singing
The Old Rugged Cross
and wouldn’t you know
right then I felt the presence of
and I hit my knees and
begged for mercy
to be saved from the all-consuming
eternal fires of Hell that I deserved
for doing violence against Our Lord
and I felt peace wash over me and
I was saved
praise ye The Lord.

Oh, also, the offering plate is coming around and you know God expects at least a ten percent cut, so be honest because he’s watching you and he’s seen your W-2s. Those fires are hot, and you will gnash your teeth in agony forever, unless you give to me so I can, uh, keep sharing my inspirational story.


About semiblind

Bringing you stark existentialism since 1981.
This entry was posted in observations, poetry, religion and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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