How to Potty-Train Your Son

Let him watch you go to the bathroom.
Sit him on the potty.
Turn the faucet on.
Wait.
Put him back in his diaper.
Praise him for trying.
Reward him with candy.

Let him wear underwear.
Listen for him to cry.
Change the wet clothes.
Clean up the piss stains.
Tell him you’re not angry.

Put Cheerios in the toilet as targets.
Stand him on a stool.
Show him how to aim.
Always stand behind him.
Wipe up the errant spray.
Remind him not to eat the Cheerios.

Take him outside to pee on a flower.
Prepare an explanation for the neighbors.
Watch as urine wilts the flower.
Pray for sunny weather.
Feign shock outside the church on Sunday.

Move to the woods.
Remove his pants.
Keep him outdoors.

Problem solved.

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About semiblind

Bringing you stark existentialism since 1981.
This entry was posted in best-laid plans, family, poetry and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to How to Potty-Train Your Son

  1. Mia says:

    LOL!! Truly a man’s way to toilet train!!

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