Not a Good Idea (Day 10)

(Day 10 of NaPoWriMo.)

I have a dirty joke
I want to tell you
but I can’t
because I’m a teacher
and what if a student
stumbles upon my blog
and I find myself in the
school system’s warehouse
waiting for an investigation
to come back with news
that I’m too sick to teach,
that I’m a dangerous man,
that I am, simply put,
just too fucked up
to be around students?

If I share my dirty joke
you’ll be repulsed
at the festering sewage
leaving the screen and
oozing through
the folds of your brain
which will never again
be totally clean
even if you
join a monastic order
and devote your life
to prayer and meditation,
even if you move
to Walden Pond and
plant beans and
live off the land,
even if you get
electro-shock therapy
followed by a lobotomy
and a real-life version
of that procedure from
Eternal Sunshine of
the Spotless Mind.

You won’t laugh
at my dirty joke
because you’ll be
too busy asking
“What’s so funny about
raping aborted kitten fetuses
in a concentration camp
while humming
‘Onward Christian Soldiers’?”
to chuckle or guffaw and
you’ll lose the thread of things
wondering why
anyone would terminate
a cat’s pregnancy
in the first place
or how that’s even erotic
or how it’s even possible
because just how small is
this guy’s penis anyway
since unborn kittens
are terribly tiny
unless it’s a dead tiger cub
but then you wouldn’t
call that a kitten and
where would the Nazis
have gotten a tiger anyway
like did they ship one back
from Burma or something
and if so why would they
send it to Auschwitz
just to do a big-cat abortion
because isn’t a
pregnant tiger a good thing
for the future of circuses
in the Thousand Year Reich?

And all of this digression
totally kills my dirty joke
and prevents you from
seeing the many brilliant layers
of symbolism and metaphor
this joke utilizes so
you won’t notice
that the dead kitties are us
and the collective history of
man’s inhumanity toward man
is represented by
Colonel Ludwig van Needledick
because rape is all about power
even cat-fetus rape
and of course the Germans
(as we all know)
thought they were
Aryan Supermen
when they were actually
too stupid to realize that
religion has aided genocide
since the Old Testament
and even though Jesus was Love
his followers have really let things
get out of hand
just like Germany between the wars
although if you’re thinking this hard
you’re not laughing either.

This whole dirty joke
probably sounds shitty
but believe me
in my head
It’s hilarious
and I’m sorry
you’ll never hear it
because maybe you’d love it
but there’s also a strong chance
you’d hate me afterward
so forget I mentioned it.



About semiblind

Bringing you stark existentialism since 1981.
This entry was posted in clusterfuck, entertainment, fear, NaPoWriMo, poetry and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Not a Good Idea (Day 10)

  1. jessecrall says:

    Ha, I always wondered about whether you feel dicey about posting certain things on public forums because of your job. I’m glad it doesn’t appear to be the case…

    • semiblind says:

      Yeah, I do, but I try to let go of that. The big thing is I’d never write about students or work in any specific way. But I also held back some of the better stuff in my novel because it was pretty explicit, so much so that even people who laugh at my fetus- rape jokes were saying, “Uh, don’t post that…”

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