If You’ll Be My Bodyguard… (Day 10)

Paris is beautiful.  Look at the picture above, taken at Les Invalides, a monument to French military men erected by King Louis XIV.  Gorgeous, isn’t it?  And here’s the view from the top of the Arc de Triomphe:

Wow, right?

Maybe you’re excited to plan a trip to Paris.  You have the money.  You can drop the kids off with relatives.  No, it’s time that’s stopping you.  You have some vacation days saved, but you’re worried it isn’t enough.  Before you call your travel agent, you want to know:  Is a week in the City of Lights enough to do everything?  

Well, no.  

But I can help you.  It won’t be free, but I can save you time.  All you have to do is cover my travel expenses (airfare, hotel, meals, admissions) and you’ll be able to move to the front of the line at major attractions!  Am I magical?  Am I politically connected?  No–I’m blind!  

With Friend-with-Benefits, you’ll receive the following exclusive perks:

  • Skip the line at Versailles, the Arc de Triomphe, and the Seine river cruise!
  • Use a lift (elevator) instead of climbing all those pesky stairs!
  • Descriptive audio tour handsets!
  • Personal attention from museum employees!
  • Touch priceless artifacts!

All that, and you only have to pay for my part of the trip!  No additional fees!

With all your extra time, you’ll be able to see me, do more, and be more!  And look, I eat cheap:

Why wait? Friend-with-Benefits is available for travel as early as Christmas!  Enjoy winter in Paris with your significant other and your visually impaired faux best friend.  Yes, I have to sit at your table; no, I don’t have to sleep in your hotel room.  I probably do have to hold onto your arm as we go place to place, but once we skip the line feel free to sit me in a corner to wait for your return.  

This is going to be the vacation of your life, the one you’ve been dreaming of, only with me there, gazing in the wrong direction and asking if I’m looking at The Thinker.  

Great fun awaits!


About semiblind

Bringing you stark existentialism since 1981.
This entry was posted in best-laid plans, Europe 2015, eyesight and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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