I hate to contradict President Trump, but

bleach is for white sheets
and porn-star assholes
not for your insides–
you should never ingest
or inject
chemicals that say
on the damn bottle
that they are poison

and you might wonder
if anyone ever thought
disinfectant kills viruses
outside the body
so…
why not inside the body?
but I can assure you
that if the idea hit you
a non-chemist
non-doctor
non-scientist
ten seconds after you
wiped Lysol off your stovetop
some chemical engineer
bankrolled by
Big goddam Pharma
worked through the same brainfart
decades ago and realized
this will kill people
and
there will be lawsuits
and
I will lose my job
and
my stock options will be worthless

and that’s the key
because if Proctor and Gamble
or Reckitt Benckiser
or any other large corporation
had a miracle cure for COVID-19
they wouldn’t be sitting on it
they’d be opening new factories
and ramping up production
and raking in cash
and their CEO would be a
national hero
on the level of Dwight D. Eisenhower
and would win a Nobel Prize
Time’s Person of the Year
and the 2024 presidential election

take your medical advice
from medical experts
and your advice about
the curative power of sunlight
from someone with a
real tan